Dealing with negativity

Another old post; the true date for this one is 08.06.2008

Does anyone else find it odd that Publix seems to be the crossroads between very difficult people and perfectly sane ones? It seems that I run into more negative people while shopping at Publix than doing just about any other thing. I don't know if it's the daunting task of having to purchase the food for your entire family's wellbeing all in one stop, or if it's emotional turmoil from a busy day, or what - but Publix definitely seems to attract some very negative people.

Today's unpleasant woman was a cashier. Now, I work the register at my own job so I know that it can get a bit monotonous and sometimes people will try to hassle you about this, that, or the other. But very rarely do I ever let this get in the way of handling each new customer with respect. This woman obviously didn't have the same outlook that I did.

I step up to the register and place my basket on the counter. It wasn't a heavy basket by any means; I'd gotten two cans of beans and a bag of cheese for tonight's rice, and a head of lettuce for Oni. The cashier sits down on a stool behind the counter and reaches across to grab the edge of my basket with one hand. With one angry motion she tips it over onto its side, spilling all of my items onto the counter. She then lulls her head to one side, and staring straight ahead the entire time, scans each item and leaves it on the counter for me to bag. I just looked at her strangely and opened my canvas bag to put all my groceries in. She hands me my receipt, and moves onto the next customer.

At first, I wished a manager were present so I could have said something. But then I realized there was probably a reason for her behavior. Maybe the manager was tough on her that night, or maybe she'd gotten into a fight with a friend or significant other. And going even further, one might even suppose the only reason the manager was tough on her, or the friend started a fight with her, was because they'd been wronged themselves. Who is to say? It could be one great big circle of violent words and actions, all leading into the misery of the next person.

Buddhism says everything is connected. And while true Buddhism takes this to an extreme which my busy schedule doesn't allow me to fully appreciate, I do understand it to some extent and I have to say that its a wonderful notion. It goes something like this: say you purchase a book from a store. You may think at first that you have only purchased a book and nothing more. But, Buddhism says your book is not only pages and ink and binding, etc, but also the printing press which produced it, the man or woman who operated it, the building where it was housed, its employees, the trees which were cut down for its paper, the loggers who cut down the tree, the lunch those loggers ate, etc. Buddhism explains that you could go on forever examining the ins and outs of what's really a part of your book, until at last you'd pretty much covered everything and everyone in the world. It's really quite fascinating.

So I think we should all at least learn to appreciate the effects that our negative actions can have on others. The cashier probably has no idea that I was even paying attention to her, or that I'd go home and write a blog about her. She has no idea that her negative actions and attitude have affected me. But they have, and in turn, I've affected others by telling them about my bad experience and stirring up negative feelings in them. They were not even present for the episode, and they expressed resentment towards this woman. Admittedly, I experienced that same resentment at first. But when I fell back on Buddhism, and realized that maybe her bad attitude wasn't solely her fault, I was able to let it go.

Truthfully, I don't know where I wanted to go with this other than to simply say: Be as nice to each other as is humanly possible. Don't forward negative energy; just let it evaporate, and let it go. It may sound silly, wishy-washy, or crazy. But it's very healing.

The image above is my own. My own handwriting, my own wonderful flowers, and my own snapshot. I hope you enjoy it.